On My To Do List :: Motherhood

In addition to documenting Annie's growth -

I also feel like it's crucial to document my own.

My oh my have the last 3 months pushed me to grow in ways I never thought imaginable.

During my senior year of high school I learned the value of a to do list.

From sketching out my future goals, to detailing what I needed to get done the next day,

it was always a pretty big part of my life.

It gave me control and a sense of accomplishment.

But after having Annie, things are different.

I don't have complete control over my days.

Sure, I can try to have a routine or a schedule.

But I can't expect the meltdowns, the growth spurts, the blowouts or the sleepless nights.

The first month of Annie's life I truly just relished it all.

I did not make a single to do list.

I spent a lot of time with my sweet husband and my baby girl.

It was wonderful.

I can't say it enough. It was a magical time in our home and in my life.

But eventually I felt like I had to come to grips with the fact that

life outside the four walls of my home did exist.

The day-to-day tasks seem harder than ever to accomplish

not to mention the little "extras" that I love to do.

And don't even talk about working out.

When Annie was 6 weeks old I brought back the to do list.

It needed to happen before I lost my mind.

But then frustration came.

I simply wasn't crossing things off.

I'd compare myself to other girls and feel oh so behind.

Thank you notes still needed to be written,

pictures hung,

laundry done,

and on and on and on.

I felt like I was 

"not accomplishing anything."

As soon as the line came out of my mouth I felt terrible for uttering it or even thinking it.

{Although I am sure the thought will cross my mind many-a-time}

I am accomplishing the most important thing in the world every.single.day.

Why is it that silly things like "drop dry cleaning off" make it on my to do list - 

but being a good mom isn't?

What about -

sit on the floor and coo back as many times as she will allow?

Change diapers. Feed.

Bounce.

Sing. Read.

These things are far more important than cleaning my toilets or 

going to the gym.

It all seems so clear when her eyes stare right through me and she gives me the biggest gummy giggle.

But how easily it is forgotten.

I am learning to forgive myself for not being able to cross it all off.

For having a mound of laundry and 3 day dirty hair.

It's all ok.

Because at the the top of my to-list is to be a good wife and mom.

I simply need to slow down 

and remind myself that as long as our little family is happy and healthy

I have accomplished just about everything.